Those red-coloured grades seemed to be forming a greeting message:

Welcome to the 4 U Club!

I was amazingly composed in the faces of my failure in econs,
and still motivated for that unworthing U in maths;

yet as i glare hard at those Chem grades,
I could feel my heart,
Bleeding,
Crying,
Dying.

It just feels that all your hard work were worthless.
and somehow there's this sense of despair and frustrating that never goes away.

Probably, my years in JC would take away that optimism i used to have;
with all those meaningless futile attempts that instead drags you down the percentile curve.



Oh yes.
there will be some people around who annoys me by saying things like:

"I'm so sad leh! Just 2 more marks to B, so irritating hor!"

and some will keep saying that they will fail,
but ends up doing VERY WELL and goes around bragging about those results.

and some will tell you after papers that they find it difficult and left many qns blank,
and in the end they can get grades like A and B.



Joel told me that my blog entries are quite heavy-hearted;
I do not deny it,
but I have to apologise if they bother anyone reading this now,
or even dampen your mood.

I'm sorry.

I'm quite down nowadays,
and even Roland realised that he haven't heard me laugh during lesson for quite some time already.

I was feeling quite suicidal today,
and I actually teared on my journey home.

A FEW MORE WEEKS TO PRELIMS.
This is not the time to break down and cry.

how i wish
that i have never existed.

10:35 PM ღ i thought of you.