crisis call

recently, studying has been getting more and more unproductive,
the LAW OF DIMINISHING MARGINAL RETURNS, as you call it.

and the more weary I become,
as I find myself falling asleep earlier on my notes / laptop.

but yesterday night I couldn't sleep at all.
after tossing and turning for about 1 or 2 hours,
I decided to start studying instead to make myself sleep.
so i read the most boring econs essays from 2-4.30am,
before I decide that I should catch some sleep somehow.

I closed my eyes, yet my brains are fully aware of my surroundings.
between 4.30 to 7,
12 cars drove past.
my stuffed dog fell onto the floor.
chem tys slided down from my pile of notes.

but subconsciously, the same nightmare keeps repeating itself.

I was a zombie-robot in church today.
played the organ without even realising it was the next song,
but my hands could play it correctly somehow.
and the words "Thanksgiving Hymn" appeared in my head,
prompting the next song that comes ahead,
totally like a programmed robot.

During bible study was even funnier.
i stared at the words in the bible
while my brain faces an auto shut-down,
yet my eyes are still widely open.
as the rest are reading the 3rd page,
i'm still staring at the first line in the 1st page.
my dad says i should correct my stoning habits LOL.

anyway, i practically slept whatever own time today.
came back from church, sleep.
after lunch, sleep.
came back from tuition, sleep.
after dinner, sleep.
took out chem paper without even doing 1st qn, sleep.

finally woke up at 11pm, and feeling slightly sleepy
but MORE GUILTY THAN EVER.
i wasted another day like this.
i'm down with cold now.

ahh. i'm facing another crisis in life now,
before the next major crisis that's coming in a week's time.

hibernation should end now, cindy.
it's time to wake up.

if you get there before I do,
don't give up on me.

11:39 PM ღ i thought of you.